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Journal for August 17, 2004

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Jeff says: First, let me say that I have just heard a song on the radio the chorus of which (and I kid you not) actually begins with the lines: Rah, rah, Rasputeen Russia's greatest love machine Holy moly! Next, I submit that I may have been speaking as somewhat of an idealist yesterday. It has since crossed my mind that during this trip I have seen no dirty diapers, cooked no meals in my apartment, never had to deal with the heat going out in the wintertime, nor the water at any time, never (until today) fed a wiggly, squirmy child, and never been falsely arrested in a society in which the onus is on the defendant to prove his innocence. More or less, I am living the life of a tourist. On the other hand, to quote Dale Roe, "It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place, ah shutuppa you face." So, today let us ponder for a moment the anthropology of adoption. As a starting point, we must consider a priori that procreation is a natural consequence of our existence as biological creatures. We are products of reproduction, and our tendency, almost universally, is to attempt to reproduce as well. The process itself is a fascinating one. The results of our efforts are a creature which is half like one progenitor, and half like another, and yet is entirely an autonomous individual, eventually capable of completely independent living and the establishment of a unique identity which may or may not have anything to do with the original source. Human free will urges us at times to honor our parents and our legacy by imitation, and at other times to assert our individuality in intentional rebellion (or, at least, differentiation). On the parental side, we tend to want our children to be like us, and yet we encourage them to grow and develop based on their own skills and talents, whether or not they are identical to our own. So we therefore fine that it is an unnatural state to be an orphan, since human beings come *from* somewhere. And it is also an unnatural state to adopt, since it subverts the natural order of procreation. This is not to say that it is wrong, but merely to admit that it is not a outgrowth of our biological identity; it is a facet of our social structures. What we *may* say is common is that we are born into relationship, first through a physical, maternal connection. Other relationships are developed afterwards. We might thank the Roman Empire for the development of the concept of adoption as we know it today. It was common practice amongst the affluent Europeans of the early first millennium to bestow a legal status on an individual which gave them the same rights--and responsibilities--as a biological offspring. This was normally a status of honor conferred on adults (think "Ben Hur"), but certain people might find it appropriate to use to offer compassion on infants as well (especially non-immediate family members). Today, we use a remarkably similar process worldwide. We inherit their legacy, just as our adopted children inherit ours. We might also consider the religious language attached to this process. "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will--to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves" (Eph1:4-6). Certainly, Saint Paul was influenced strongly by the predominant Roman culture around him, but we cannot ignore that he took the judicial language of that culture and injected into it a spiritual complement. As we await our adoption in eternity, we are all--in a very real sense--orphans. Many of us begin the spiritual adoption process with baptism. The social adoption process is completed with a legal proceeding. Both involve a superior party bestowing a change of status on one or more inferior parties. That is to say that someone with the authority to do so declares the action valid. Is adoption unnatural? Biologically-speaking, yes, it is indeed so. But is it rare? If we broaden the discussion to the spiritual realm, we must admit that it is quite commonplace, and part of our new nature and personal identity. We should all be able to understand this concept quite well, since for many of us, it is an intrinsic part of who we are. Today I experienced a couple firsts with my son. We fed him for the first time. GOOD GRIEF THAT KID CAN EAT!! He ate a bowl full of ground meat and mashed potatoes, a portion that would have challenged me--and I can eat a lot! Apparently, this is how they feed the children in his age group every day, one of the five meals they receive. I do believe that a majority of our food budget will be going to Alex. I'm okay with that, of course. I also confirmed that he responds to sounds. I was a little concerned about the fact that I hadn't seen any firm evidence that he does, but today I hid his big ladybug behind my back and squeezed its squeaky foot. He turned around and wanted to know where it was. I repeated the experiment a while later. I just wish he'd consistently look at the camera when I call him "Sasha!" Oh, well. So long as he remains brilliant, homey's down with that. We tried a baseball cap on him. Aside from the fact that it was a little big, it still didn't go well. He removed it from his head in a very polite "hat's off to you" motion. What a charming gentleman! Maybe we'll try that again when we get a better size. His attention span this morning was unbelievable. He sat still and watched the pages as mom read him his ladybug book. (We think this will make Thea Julie very happy.) Yiayia says the way he rocks back and forth has something to do with early development of reading skills. I just think my son's a genius, that's all. Yesterday he was a little cranky in the morning but all giggles in the afternoon. Today, after we fed him, he was a bit stoic in the afternoon, but had been more giggly in the morning. I've yet to establish a pattern there. I think he's just trying to keep me on my toes. We took Assia out to lunch today at a restaurant called The Golden Cat. It was somewhat odd, as are most of the restaurants here. We walked inside and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness; all the walls are painted black. The dining area is tiny--perhaps a dozen small tables for parties of two, three, or four. There's a multicolored disco ball over the bar, along with flashing, christmas-like lights. The bar is well-stocked, and is the most prominent feature in the place. In one corner is an upright piano with an unexpected feature placed on top. I put a picture of me next to it in today's album for Lou Evans. I think you'll appreciate it, Nouno. It takes about 45 minutes to get your lunch there. During the wait time, we were able to have a wonderul and frank and open and honest conversation with Assia about history and culture and politics, about families and economics. We discussed all the things that once kept our countries at odds with each other. We were able to talk Afghanistan (both wars) and Vietnam. (We never mentioned Iraq. Probably for the best, really.) We talked revolutions and civil wars and civil rights, Brezhnev and Lenin and Kruschev. We talked racial inequity and ethnic groups. We learned what brought her family from Kazakhstan to Russia immediately after the revolution, and what brought her back here more recently. At 22, she's just barely too young to have been particularly moved by the disbanding of the Party in 1991, but she does remember her parents' attitude about the whole thing, and how her father misses the strength of the unified nation. During our tour we got to stop and get the family beef on Philipich. Turns out that his dad was a war hero, from the Great Patriotic War. (This is what we might call World War II, but since they were busy with a revolution during World War I, they don't refer to the second one the same way we do.) There's a monument to him in town. Philipich never met his father. He was killed in battle, and as I understand it, may not have even known that he was to be a father. He slept in the car as we walked through the monument. It was very quiet. Just before we were about to leave, a local resident out for a walk with her toddler son stood by their "eternal flame" and asked Assia to take their picture. I noticed that the little boy was wearing a "USA" baseball cap, and asked about it. She explained that it's something of a status symbol. If I wore a "Kazakhstan" cap back home, I think I'd more likely get a "Where??" Ah, I suppose our reputation precedes us. More comments... 1. I found out we're only an hour's flight from Moscow. I thought we were way farther than that. I'm bummed that I'm this close and can't go. 2. Joyce, how did you know Mark Russell's in Buffalo? What's he up to? 3. I've tried the local brew the past two nights. Those of you who don't know me in person may be unaware that I'm *not* a "beer person." I've met very few beers that I like, and as such, am usually unwilling to try. But the local Tien-Shan is fantastic! I think that's Chinese for "wind of God" or something like that. I hope that's not a euphemism for something horrible. 4. We visited the other church in town today, pictures of which I'd seen before. It's pretty ornate inside. 5. We cleaned out the local pharmacy yseterday of mosquito cream. There is now no mosquito cream left in Uralsk. We have it all. 6. On the way back from dinner tonight, a low voice behind me said, "Hello." I did not turn around, as I've been told not to do. Sue Shebler did. It was Dimo, out for a stroll with a lady friend (and/or wife). It's nice to be bumping into familiar people, and surprising in a city of a quarter million people!

Dina says: We had such an interesting day today. The morning visit was the same as usual, playing in the music room with the Scheblers. It’s fun to have that time together in the morning and see the interaction between the boys. It’s also nice to have some separate time in the afternoon, it’s a great balance. After our morning visit, we were treated to a tour of Uralsk by Philippich and Assia. It was a driving tour and we got out at several points of interest. We saw monuments and rivers and had a wonderful time learning about our son’s birth city. We look forward to being able to share with him all about this beautiful city when he’s old enough to understand. At the end of the tour, we asked Assia and Philippich if they’d like to have lunch with us. Philippich had to be somewhere, but Assia accepted our invitation. We told her that we’d like her to suggest a restaurant, so she chose the Golden Cat. We had walked by it earlier this week, but didn’t stop in. We were excited to try it. I suggest reading Jeff’s description of the restaurant, as it was something else! After lunch, we went back to the baby house and went to pick up Alex from his room. We were told that he hadn’t eaten yet and that his caregiver asked if we’d like to feed him. We were so excited! The caregiver gave me an apron to wear and then she brought Alex out. We tucked a towel into his shirt and were given a bowl full of mashed potatoes and ground meat. It was quite a big portion, but he ate all of it! They feed the babies there with regular size spoons, and after he was done, he drank his stewed fruit juice straight from the mug. Assia held the bowl from his lunch under his chin and slowly let him slurp up the juice. I was worried that he’d choke, but he did just fine and seemed to love it. Half of the juice dribbled down his face into the bowl, but after he was finished, he had a full tummy and was happy and giggly as ever. We spent the afternoon in the Sports Room. This is sort of a Gymboree type room with lots of things to climb on and one of those ball pits that you can “swim” in. I think Alex was a bit young for it, but he did enjoy playing with the balls. He was a little distracted in there with all of the colors and he especially liked looking at himself in the mirror. The playtime seemed really short since half of the visit was taken up by feeding him. But it was still wonderful to be with him. I love him more and more each day. When Philippich dropped us off at our apartment, he jumped out of the car and opened his trunk. He had a big bag of apples for us! It was a sweet gesture, and we can’t wait to taste the fruits that are so abundant here in Kazakhstan. In fact, we’ve been told that apples were born here in Kazakhstan. The name Almaty actually means apple. We came inside and I read a few chapters in my book then took a quick nap. We decided to be adventurous and had dinner at the Chagala again. We met up with another American couple who we met at the baby house this morning. They are going through a different agency, but their baby boy is in the same group as our Alex and the Schebler’s A.J. We compared notes, and I have to say, that they are not having as smooth of a trip as we are. We are so thankful that we found such an awesome agency. We will try to help them out where we can, as it seems they are having a tough time adjusting to life in Uralsk. We’re enjoying our time here so much, and are so thankful for such an opportunity. We will remember this experience for years and years to come. What a blessing we have received! Thank you again for your love and support. I know I say that everyday, but it really warms our hearts to know how much you are thinking about us and keeping us in your prayers. We hope you enjoy today’s pictures, and we look forward to posting more tomorrow!

Comments for August 17 Comment from Jenn I was wondering when you would get to feed Alex. That must have been so wonderful. I'll have to remember the bowl under the chin trick with the juice - how creative! I must admit I'm addicted to your site, and I think everyone around here is tired of me sharing the news of the day about my "friend who is in Kazakhstan adopting a son". Thanks so much for sharing your experience, and hopefully I'll get to meet Alex someday. Comment from Julianna Is that Assia in the last photo? She's so beautiful! I love how much Alex looks like a little man! And he's really looking like he's bonded with you guys. I get so excited when I think about getting to meet him! And I'm just as excited to see you guys in the roll of parents. Can't wait until we can share tantrum stories and first boo-boo stories...! Love you guys! -Julianna Comment from Katie Nagel Hi guys. If you like Chinese food, ask Assia to take you to Golden Dragon. The food there is awesome! There are pictures of everything on the menu. Tastes totally different then the Chinese food here. The fried rice is the best! Have you given Olga or Assia the pictures of Avery yet? Comment from Joanna Hi kids. I loved the story about Philipich's father. Is the monument the statue in that picture? Alex looks like he's grown since we saw him last...Is that possible? I suppose so with that appetite... Comment from Vikki and Livia Comment from Vikki and Livia Comment from Vikki and Livia Ok, 3rd time has to be a charm, right? First lesson learned, Don't hit the return key until after you write the comment!!! I'm sitting here with Livia as she ooohhhh s and aawwwwws over this baby. She can't wait to get her hands on Alex! She is so excited. She makes her cross after each picture! I've been following the pictures as much as I can each day but have been on the go so much I haven't stopped to write a comment. Every time I open this page I get so teary eyed and choked up inside I don't know what to say! You all look soooo happy! I'm so excited and happy for you. This is such a wonderful experience that we have all been able to experience right along with you because of this great site. Are you getting homesick yet? Comment from Auntie Julie Yes, Jenn, I agree that this site IS SO addictive. I check in at least on an hourly basis. Dina, Jeff, and Alex~ what an effect you three have had on so many people! This day-by-day chronicle of how you are slowly, yet immediately, becoming a family is absolutely compelling. Both of you are creating fantastic journal writes each day, and it is so captivating to contrast Jeff's hilariously sharp wit, vivid descriptions and thoughtful commentary with Dina's sweet, maternal warmth and detailed, intelligent observations. In addition, I love reading everyone else's posts and sharing in the interaction, not to mention the absolute highlight of viewing stunningly beautiful photos each day (yes, Jeff, I did say "stunningly beautiful" while referring to your photographs). I honestly think that when you return you should compile everything and send it to a publisher. What a success you would have! Many of my friends who have never (or barely) even met you guys tell me that they are in tears as they read and watch what is going on here. What an amazing community of love you are bringing together online. How wonderful it would be to share it with the world in the pages of a book. The ONLY problem with this website is that I get so sucked in that I keep neglecting everything else that I need to be doing! Oh well, I guess I always have been a procrastinator. Hopefully Alex will NOT take after his auntie in that aspect, although from the sounds of things, we already have LOTS in common, especially with that whole getting the hiccoughs after laughing thing! I miss you guys so much and I agree Dina... I love him more and more each day! I CAN'T WAIT for you all to come home! Love you so much! Julie Comment from Nana Nina You two are unbelievable ~ being able to take the time to sit and write all about this to share with all of us. Thank you so much. I agree with Julie ~ I think you should publish it when you get back. The commentary is so descriptive that it becomes exciting reading it. Also, I had to chuckle at the evangelizing. I don't know anyone else who could possibly have the chutzpah to talk about God and Roman adoption while ostensibly disguised as a potential adoptive parent. I, for instance, just keep bouncing up and down in my seat in heightened expectation. I'm certainly not getting any work done, and I only work 2 feet away from the nearest Bible. I met Dad for lunch and he didn't ask me how my morning went. All he asked was: "Any new photos?" I can't believe that they are feeding Alex actual meat and potatoes ~ and that he likes it. What's he going to make of Gerber? As for here, we have a London broil in the freezer. Should I save it for him? It does indeed look as though he's gotten bigger over the last couple of days. How nice that you were able to come alongside the other couple and give them some direction. Glad to know, Jeff, that you do admit that there may be some reasons to come back to the land of your birth; and we are looking forward to seeing you soon. Comment from Jenn I have it on good authority that Tien-Shan translates to "heavenly mountain" or "sky mountain" ... though Joe mentioned something about "the prince of the power of the air" too. What's with that? Comment from Deltamiss Welp...got my fix in a little late today; but, I got it nonetheless. That Alex is very photogenic, isn't he? He certainly seems to be a happy baby! I don't think he can hold a candle to the happy parents, though. I'm thoroughly enjoying the site-seeing tour, also. Thanks for sharing. Comment from jeney This is so shallow, but you guys are so photogenic! Comment from Art Saw the pics for first time today. What a cutie! And the parents are beaming! This journal, what a great way to document this wonderful adventure. Comment from Hi guys Comment from Yiayia Connie Well sorry, that last "hi guys' was from me and then I jumped the gun like Vicki did and hit return. Oh well too anxious I guess. The pictures are gorgeous as always, and yes he does look like he is getting bigger already. Jeff, I did not say that the rocking motion helps with being a good reader, it is actually the coordination of crawling that is supposedly very important to reading readiness. So I was excited to hear that he is getting that skill under his belt. Again, thank you so much for sharing this incredible ex[erience with us. We love everything about it. Comment from Uncle Dan Hi guys. I thought I'd made a post earlier, but must have hit the delete button instead of 'Post Comment'. Anyway, while thinking about your entries for today, I decided to return with an additional comment, but see that Julie and 'Nana Nina' have beat me to it. I'll just summarize my thought and that's that somewhere in your adventure, your observations, and so on, there is a book waiting to hatch. You have a wonderful human story going and it would be a warm and worthwhile read for anyone. Those who have ever adopted would enjoy the experiences of fellow-travelers and those who are considering adopting would devour it. Think about it. Unka D Comment from Uncle Dan Hi guys. I thought I'd made a post earlier, but must have hit the delete button instead of 'Post Comment'. Anyway, while thinking about your entries for today, I decided to return with an additional comment, but see that Julie and 'Nana Nina' have beat me to it. I'll just summarize my thought and that's that somewhere in your adventure, your observations, and so on, there is a book waiting to hatch. You have a wonderful human story going and it would be a warm and worthwhile read for anyone. Those who have ever adopted would enjoy the experiences of fellow-travelers and those who are considering adopting would devour it. Think about it. Unka D Comment from Pat Shikany Dina and Jeff, Alex is looking good, but I know he is saying "Lets go Home". I have a question - have you thought of what you are going to feed him on the plane ride home??? If you are planning on Gerber's you might want to introduce him to it before your on the plane. Don't ask me why I was thinking of this but I guess as a Grandma I did. Thanks for the wonderful pictures and update. My grandparents were married in St. Petersburg. and born in Koeinsburg. Keep up the good work on the web site and with that little angel. Comment from Lauri Auntie Julie is right on when she says people that have never met you are reading and checking the website daily. I'm up in Nevada City, CA visiting my sister and her family. I have been reading your journals to them everyday! I've got them hooked now, too. They all agree that you are truly blessed!!! Publishing a book is definately a great idea! Comment from Tesa The welcome page of your website says that you have daily visitations with Alex thru Aug. 30th. My question is : What happens from the 30th until you leave for home? Will you not see him for a few days because you will be taking care of some of the legal stuff? Or is he then under your care completely?? Just wondering . . . Comment from Tesa, we are supposed to go to court on August 31. Assuming a positive ruling from the judge, he will be ours after that! We're scheduled to fly back to Almaty on Sept 1, so we'll pick him up from the baby house and we'll have him full-time after that. We'll spend the last week in Almaty getting all of the paperwork done, etc. It will be an interesting adjustment, I know, but we can't wait to not have to hear "it's time", meaning our visiting time is up. Comment from Jeff the Ogre Tesa, Good questions! I suppose I should post to explain. We'll be in Almaty (the big city, that is to say, almost-but-nit-quite the capital city) taking care of legal formalities at the U.S. Embassy. Alex will be *officially* OUR child at that point, so he will be with us 24/7. We'll be working on getting a passport and registering him with U.S. authorities and such. Then we will come home! Comment from Lara I keep reading, but don't comment much. I can't wait to meet Alex!!!! :) Comment from Jeff Joanna, I've added a picture of the monument to Philipiche's dad in today's photos. it's a bronze bust mounted on the wall of the monument, right before the picture from lunch. Comment from Melanie Jeney is so shallow. ;) Comment from Melanie Gosh... the pictures are getting better and better!! I was great to chat with you for that tiny, tiny bit, Dina!! Hopefully, I'll catch you more later on! Comment from Geoff I can't believe you'd never heard Ra, Ra, Rasputin before! I thought it wan an ABBA song, but upon internet search, it appears to have been done by somebody named "Boney M." Ehr? Comment from Joanna I believe I mentioned the book first a couple days back. Or maybe I was just thinking it. Or maybe I hit delete before post comment...we're all just getting too excited and have forgotten how to type. Good to see you guys are back up and running again. We were all upset this morning with nothing new to look at! Comment from Nouna Maria Isn't it amazing...you spend so much time thinkng about your child (in our case, during a long pregnancy, and in yours, during the adoption process)and then you meet them. You always knew your love for that child would be incredible, but when you meet that child for the first time, hold them in your arms and shower them with your kisses, you experience love beyond your wildest dreams. And each day, we all fall deeper and deeper in love with our sweet little angels. It is so amazing to hear how similar your unique situation is to our own. Those parental instincts set in, and suddenly, nothing in the world matters more than your child and his/her place in your special family. Enjoy each and every moment, because they pass so quickly...they GROW so quickly. Again,. we are so thrilled for the three of you. God has truly blessed you, and in turn blessed all of us by allowing us to witness this purest example of true love! Many hugs and kisses to all of you...especially our sweet Godson! Love, Maria, John and Anisa Comment from Joanna Yeah!!! New pictures for the 18th! Comment from Shelly This is from Alex's Aunt Julie's friend Shelly (from work). Thank goodness my son is taking an extra long nap because I've been reading your story for an hour so far, and I'm so hooked, not to mention the pile of Kleenex that has accumulated next to me! What an amazingly touching experience you are sharing with the world. Alex is so beautiful!!!! As a mother of a 16 month old boy, all I can say is - welcome to parenthood - it's the greatest gift life gives us! Congratulations..... Comment from Genevieve Hi! I keep seeing people on LJ posting about more pictures being up, so I thought I'd pop over and see your son... he's BEAUTIFUL!!! I'm so happy for the two of you! God bless you both, and enjoy the rest of your time getting to know your baby boy =)

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